I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think people are normalizing furries
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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