it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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