3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
