But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
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why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
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Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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