you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
