the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
