apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
