Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
