Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
