my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
