so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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