its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
