either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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