He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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