I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
