Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
