Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you inspire me to be a worse person
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
