i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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