if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This house was built for laser tag.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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