the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The struggles of a small town man whore
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
