And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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