So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
