Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
