She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
