My liver just broke up with me...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
