i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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