Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
