I have demons in me.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
