She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
