listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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