nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know