Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
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Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
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How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night