I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
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I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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