all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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