I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
