Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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