Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i dont even know how to be here
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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