So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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