Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
