did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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