swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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