i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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