So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
