my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We were destined to go to rehab together
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
