Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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