i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
