i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I supernannyed him into submission
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
