Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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