you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
