I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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