She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I pour the whiskey from now on
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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