I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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