So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
