Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
