Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
