Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
