If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
