a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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