I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
