Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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