put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
