Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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