I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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