anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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